'Rules' For Driving In Trinidad and Tobago

PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW THESE 'RULES'!

NEVER DO THE FOLLOWING:

1. Never indicate - this will give away your next move. A real T&T driver never uses them.

2. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

3. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving you a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

4. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It's a good way to check if the people entering the highway are awake.

5. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a guideline. They are especially not applicable in T&T during rush hour. That's why it's called 'rush hour....'

6. Learn to swerve abruptly. T&T is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks to the city council, which puts holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keeps them on their toes.

7. It is traditional in T&T to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light turns green. This prevents pigeons from building nests on top of the traffic light and birds from making deposits on your car.

8. Remember that the goal of every T&T driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

Now guys go out there today and make T&T proud by NOT practicing the above 'rules'!!!